[intro]For the past week 22 women gathered in Kampala for the Writing for Social Change Workshop 2015. It is an annual event of The African Women’s Development Fund (AWDF) in collaboration with FEMRITE, the Uganda Women Writers Association. The 10-day event attracted young talented women from across Africa. The writer was one of the participants chosen from hundreds of applicants.[/intro]
Sometimes I wonder if the woman I am named after, the Prophet’s wife, would be ashamed that I carry her name. These thoughts mostly happen in the dead of night. That time of the night when you unfold after a long day of navigating the world, while holding yourself tight lest anything spills out. That time of the night when the darkness is more illuminating than the day’s sun. When the darkness reveals all that was hidden during the day. I wonder if she knew that there would be women, long after she was gone who would be given her name and who would be so unworthy.
I was an early bloomer and my breasts started growing when I was 10, way ahead of my age group. I worked hard to disguise them by wearing an extra petticoat in the hope that it would flatten them. I never removed my sweater in primary school, after someone made a comment of how they looked beneath my school uniform. I started wearing big t-shirts and avoiding games. It wasn’t until high school that I became a little bit comfortable. But by then I was fat so I was fighting another battle.
I don’t remember when I realised that my body was the measure of my worth.

Writing for Social Change 2015 Group
One day I was playing house with my cousin’s friend. At some point he told me to remove my clothes so that we could do what parents do. He then told me to lie on top of him and we stayed like that for a few minutes. Then he said we were done and I got off. He then told me how cheap I was, for allowing him to do that with me. Have sex with him, that is. If it had been Munira from across the street she would not have accepted to do that. Munira was a pure girl. After that he told all the other boys that if they wanted to have “sex” they should try me. I was easy. We were 9, I think.
Sex Was A Surprise
Our watchman liked to touch my breasts. I was 11 and he would touch me every chance he got. He would then smile and tell me how beautiful I was and how pretty my breasts were. He didn’t call me cheap or easy.
The first time I had sex, for real, it was a surprise. I never intended to do it because I wasn’t supposed to. I was 23 and I’m not really sure if I loved him but it was important that I believed so. I was less easy, less cheap if I loved him. I had convinced myself that nothing would happen. We would stop. When he started touching me, I kept reminding myself to tell him to stop. But I didn’t. My body was a willing participant. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, I was easy.
You can only lose your virginity once. It is the ultimate mark of your worth and so it was arranged that you would lose it to your husband… the prize you offer the man who would validate you for the rest of your life. It is highly coveted and guarded zealously. Your value decreases if it is given to anyone other than your husband.
I almost lost my virginity to my cousin’s husband. They lived with us because he had lost his job and my mum took care of everyone. Every time I was alone with him he would touch me. He touched my breasts but he liked to touch me between my legs more. He told me I was a good girl and that I was making him happy. There was this one time he was in the toilet and he heard me waiting on the other side to go in. He came out with his kikoy lifted up and his penis, fully erect in display.
I will never forget the leer on his face.
That was the first penis I saw. I was 9, I think.
Drunken Incest
The night he decided to take my virginity, he came home late and drunk and my cousin told him to sleep on my bed. I woke up feeling his hands touching me as he removed my panties. I started crying silently, trying to push him away from me. He grabbed me and pushed me against his chest, using one hand to restrain me. With the other hand, he spread my legs, and started to insert his penis into me. I was shocked. I cried out loudly. My cousin, his wife, heard me and came into the room.
He quickly pushed me away before she switched on the light. She asked me what was wrong. I told her that he was trying to put his thing in me. Her husband told her that he had not done anything. He said it was only that I was sleeping in an awkward position. He had been pushing me away from him. She angrily told him to get off the bed and go sleep in the sitting room. She then told me that I shouldn’t tell my mum. That he was drunk and didn’t know what he was doing. And that it will cause problems if I told her. She cried.
He never tried again after that but he never stopped watching me.
A few months later they moved away.
I never told my mother.
I was the last one of my friends to get a boyfriend. We were around 15 and my friends were talking about the boys they met. They were giggling about holding hands and stolen kisses. I wanted to ask them if it hurt them when they were touched. If they felt dirty afterwards.
The first time a boy kissed me at 17, I cried.
Before & After
I started viewing my life as Before and After. Everything that happened to me After, I found a way to connect it to losing my virginity. Everything that went wrong was a consequence that I accepted. I had committed the original sin and I was not worthy anymore. I lived the life of the condemned with nothing else left to lose. So when I got pregnant I accepted my punishment. And when I lost the baby, it was also a punishment because I had dared to want the baby. You are not supposed to enjoy the punishment. You bear it, but you don’t enjoy it.
The first time I looked at myself in the mirror and I didn’t hate my body I wept.
For a long time I viewed my body through layers of complicated misconceptions that the world told me and which in turn I told myself repeatedly until it became my truth. I was worthless because my body was worthless. I was nothing because my body was nothing.
Invisible scars criss cross my body. Many self inflicted. To this day standing in front of a mirror requires courage. It took a long time for me to unpack all this and it is still an ongoing process. And there are days when I still look at my body and wonder which part carries the most value.
Lupita Nyong’o said:
“What is fundamentally beautiful is compassion for yourself and for those around you. That kind of beauty enflames the heart and enchants the soul…”
My brother suggested I might like this blog. He was entirely right. This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!
Definitely, what a great website and educative posts, I definitely will bookmark your blog.All the Best!
This is very interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I’ve joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of your wonderful post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!
I am not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for magnificent information I was looking for this information for my mission.
Do you have a spam issue on this site; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your situation; we have created some nice practices and we are looking to exchange solutions with others, why not shoot me an email if interested.
Real fantastic visual appeal on this web site, I’d value it 10 10.
I am glad to be one of many visitants on this great website (:, thankyou for posting.
You should take part in a contest for one of the best blogs on the web. I will recommend this site!
Hello, Neat post. There’s a problem along with your web site in internet explorer, may test thisK IE still is the marketplace leader and a large portion of other people will leave out your fantastic writing due to this problem.
I’ve been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be much more useful than ever before.
I have been browsing on-line greater than 3 hours these days, yet I never discovered any attention-grabbing article like yours. It’s pretty price enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the net shall be much more useful than ever before.
I will immediately snatch your rss as I can’t find your email subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you’ve any? Kindly permit me know in order that I could subscribe. Thanks.
Would love to forever get updated outstanding website! .
I would like to thnkx for the efforts you’ve put in writing this web site. I am hoping the same high-grade site post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own site now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings quickly. Your write up is a great example of it.
After research a few of the blog posts in your website now, and I really like your way of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website record and will be checking again soon. Pls try my web site as nicely and let me know what you think.
Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this website. It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very difficult to get that “perfect balance” between superb usability and appearance. I must say that you’ve done a great job with this. In addition, the blog loads extremely fast for me on Firefox. Exceptional Blog!
so much great info on here, : D.
You made some good points there. I looked on the internet for the issue and found most individuals will agree with your website.
I like this web blog so much, bookmarked.
It’s hard to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Thanks
After I originally commented I clicked the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now every time a comment is added I get four emails with the identical comment. Is there any way you possibly can take away me from that service? Thanks!
Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back frequently!
Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
Hi there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Cheers
Thank you for another magnificent post. Where else could anyone get that kind of information in such an ideal way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info.
Good info. Lucky me I reach on your website by accident, I bookmarked it.
I gotta favorite this website it seems very beneficial handy
I do like the manner in which you have framed this concern plus it does provide me personally some fodder for thought. Nevertheless, because of everything that I have personally seen, I simply trust as other feedback stack on that people remain on point and in no way embark on a soap box involving the news du jour. Anyway, thank you for this fantastic piece and while I do not really go along with it in totality, I respect your point of view.
magnificent post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you’ve a great readers’ base already!
Thank you so much for giving everyone an extremely pleasant opportunity to read in detail from here. It’s always so sweet and also full of a lot of fun for me personally and my office acquaintances to search your site more than three times every week to read through the new secrets you have got. And of course, I’m also certainly impressed concerning the terrific tactics you give. Selected 2 points in this post are indeed the most suitable we have all had.
Good – I should certainly pronounce, impressed with your web site. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related info ended up being truly simple to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it at all. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or anything, website theme . a tones way for your client to communicate. Nice task..
We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your web site provided us with valuable information to work on. You have done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.
Thankyou for helping out, good info .
I would like to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this web site. I am hoping the same high-grade blog post from you in the upcoming as well. In fact your creative writing skills has inspired me to get my own web site now. Really the blogging is spreading its wings rapidly. Your write up is a great example of it.
My brother recommended I might like this website. He was totally right. This post actually made my day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!
I’m now not sure where you are getting your information, however good topic. I needs to spend some time finding out much more or understanding more. Thank you for great information I used to be on the lookout for this information for my mission.
Some truly interesting details you have written.Aided me a lot, just what I was looking for : D.
Some genuinely nice and utilitarian info on this site, too I believe the layout holds great features.
I just could not depart your site prior to suggesting that I really enjoyed the standard info a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be back often in order to check up on new posts
I believe you have remarked some very interesting points, thankyou for the post.
I reckon something genuinely special in this site.
I think this is among the most important info for me. And i’m glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The website style is wonderful, the articles is really nice : D. Good job, cheers
you have a great blog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?
I am now not sure where you are getting your info, however great topic. I must spend a while studying more or understanding more. Thank you for great information I used to be looking for this information for my mission.
Good info. Lucky me I reach on your website by accident, I bookmarked it.
Thank you for another great post. Where else could anybody get that kind of information in such an ideal way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such information.
What i do not realize is actually how you are not really much more well-liked than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You realize thus considerably relating to this subject, produced me personally consider it from numerous varied angles. Its like women and men aren’t fascinated unless it’s one thing to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!
Merely wanna comment on few general things, The website pattern is perfect, the articles is real wonderful : D.
Usually I do not read post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very forced me to try and do so! Your writing style has been amazed me. Thanks, quite nice post.
Dead composed content, appreciate it for information. “No human thing is of serious importance.” by Plato.
Great goods from you, man. I have understand your stuff previous to and you’re just too fantastic. I really like what you have acquired here, really like what you’re stating and the way in which you say it. You make it entertaining and you still care for to keep it wise. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is actually a tremendous website.
Hello! I just would like to give a huge thumbs up for the great info you have here on this post. I will be coming back to your blog for more soon.
Howdy! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any points or suggestions? Appreciate it
Once you join a meeting, enjoy the best ass live show and the screen to show call controls
What i do not understood is in truth how you’re no longer really much more smartly-preferred than you might be now. You’re so intelligent. You recognize thus considerably in relation to this topic, made me personally imagine it from so many numerous angles. Its like women and men aren’t involved except it is one thing to do with Woman gaga! Your personal stuffs outstanding. All the time care for it up!
I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here frequently. I am quite sure I’ll learn lots of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!
I haven’t checked in here for some time because I thought it was getting boring, but the last several posts are good quality so I guess I will add you back to my daily bloglist. You deserve it my friend 🙂
Saved as a favorite, I really like your blog!
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot approximately this, like you wrote the e book in it or something. I feel that you can do with a few percent to pressure the message home a bit, but other than that, that is great blog. A great read. I will certainly be back.
Great beat ! I wish to apprentice even as you amend your website, how could i subscribe for a blog site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast provided bright clear idea
My brother recommended I would possibly like this blog. He was once totally right. This put up actually made my day. You cann’t imagine simply how so much time I had spent for this info! Thanks!
I am really impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your blog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself? Anyway keep up the nice quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one today..