In an era where women being beaten and killed by their significant others is a norm, we need to do something that will lead to the real emancipation of women. March 8 is recognised globally as International Women’s Day, while this calls for a definite celebration of what women have achieved in the world today, it also calls for a deep introspection as the world, and as a country, on what we are doing wrong. Will we ever see progress if we still have time to debate on whether abuse was staged or true, when many women die daily at the hands of loved ones and strangers alike?
Let’s get this right, WE ARE NOT ROCKS. If you strike a woman she will bleed and die, because she is not a rock, she is human! I wrote an article on this 2 years ago and it pains me to have to revisit this topic with very little progress made on the matter. I have lived my whole life in a “democratic” South Africa, where women and men are said to have an equal right to life and freedom. However, at every turn I am told that I am a rock and my male counterparts are not.
Women are not rocks! Equally so, she is not a flower or some special creature, women are as human as men are. This is important to note and internalise, for both men and women.
Dear Women: Abuse is not love
For women, it is important that we seek the emancipation of our own minds, it is not okay to stay in a toxic relationship – even before he lifts his hand against you. Idioms and proverbs such as “malwangu ya yindlu ma tumbeta swo tala” (the roof of a house hides many things, which basically means that what happens at home stays at home), or the Setswana saying “mosadi o tswara thipa ka bohaleng” (a woman holds the knife on the sharp side of the blade, which basically means that women hang on even at the hardest of times) and the infamous, and in my opinion most problematic, “Wathint’Abafazi Wathint’imbokodo” (which we all know the meaning of) need to be done away with. These sayings have become blankets that incubate patriarchy and abuse in our homes and communities with other women as gatekeepers.
A young wife is taught by other women that rape doesn’t exist in marriage and that she is to “hang in there” through all sorts of abuse. She is constantly fed misleading advice like, “the stones thrown at her are the building blocks of her household”. This needs to stop! Society has idolized marriage and relationships so much that women will willingly suffer abuse than be known as “Umabuy’ emendweni”- the woman with a failed marriage. This needs to stop. Re-victimization of victims will only slow us down. We are in desperate need of in depth intergenerational conversations about the role of women and men in society as well as the socialisation of both boys and girls.
Get me right, I am not saying that the burden to solve this global plague rests on the shoulders of women- they are the victims. I am saying that we need to ensure that girls and women know that abuse, however common, is not okay and it is not love. We cannot glorify abuse in the name of strength and resistance (like rocks). We need to shun abuse! We need to make sure that women stand together and not against each other when dealing with abuse. We need to build communities that make women feel safe enough to report incidents of abuse. Women need that kind of conscientisation that opens their eyes to the fact that it is not their fault at all and it never will be justifiable.
It is unacceptable and should be treated as such. We need to move away from a place of questioning what she said, what she was wearing, where she was and with whom, what time it was and start by believing and supporting her. Granted, some people do lie about abuse, and that’s detestable! But we cannot let the exception keep us from fighting the visible crisis that abuse and femicide are. A friend of mine recently wrote that the same way women are taught to walk away when abused, men should also walk away when provoked. There can never be a good enough reason for any human being to mistreat another.
We must teach our boy children differently
It is unfortunate that the burden of raising children lays largely on women’s shoulders, but it is also an opportunity to teach boys and girls an alternative narrative and truth. Boys will only always be boys if we do not socialise them differently. In a world where both men and women work, gender roles need to be redefined from a young age. The toys boys and girls play with need to be revisited. What does giving a girl dolls and miniature kitchen utensils while a boy plays with guns and cars mean? What does allowing the boy child to “boss” his sisters around mean for his future? These are things that do not have to and should not remain as they are. We must teach our boy children differently.
Dear Men: Use your voice and privilege for good
As for the grown up boys, it is up to you to unlearn what society has taught you and learn what no one did. If your father was absent, you can be there for your children. If you grew up in an abusive home, it’s up to you to change that in your own household. Seek professional help if that’s what it takes. No excuse will ever be good enough to justify behaviour that you can change. Sadly, the person reading this will probably not be the one who needs to hear these words. However, you also have the duty to call out your friends, colleagues and family members. Use your voice and privilege to ensure that those around you are aware of the injustice in their actions against their “loved” ones. Shed light on their ignorance. Educate them and encourage them to unlearn certain behaviours. Have those difficult conversations in your circles. Before you defend yourself and say that you’ve never laid a finger on a woman, think of the many times you witnessed abuse and kept quiet.
Remember that he who observes abuse in the silence is as guilty as the perpetrator. Instead of conveniently “minding their own business”, men need to discuss an alternative masculinity that does not feed off a false sense of superiority. To be honest, women and men need each other to make the world work. And the kind of masculinity we need is one that complements the different intersectional roles of women in society.
We should all be feminist
Society needs to evolve to a maturity that recognises that being pro-women (feminist) does not at all imply that you must be anti-men. However, with everything built to a man’s comfort, it is inevitable that some forms of masculinity be challenged in efforts to uplift and protect women. I, therefore, dare say that the answer requires that we all become educated in the ideals of and practise feminism.
I am incessantly thought about this, regards for putting up.
What i don’t understood is actually how you’re not actually much more well-liked than you may be right now. You are so intelligent. You realize thus considerably relating to this subject, made me personally consider it from a lot of varied angles. Its like men and women aren’t fascinated unless it’s one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your own stuffs excellent. Always maintain it up!
I don’t unremarkably comment but I gotta tell regards for the post on this one : D.
Hello.This article was extremely remarkable, especially because I was investigating for thoughts on this topic last Tuesday.
WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..more wait .. …
Hello.This article was really interesting, particularly because I was browsing for thoughts on this subject last couple of days.
This is a very good tips especially to those new to blogosphere, brief and accurate information… Thanks for sharing this one. A must read article.
Very clean web site, appreciate it for this post.
Your style is so unique compared to many other people. Thank you for publishing when you have the opportunity,Guess I will just make this bookmarked.2
Whats up this is kinda of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!
I liked up to you will obtain performed proper here. The cartoon is tasteful, your authored subject matter stylish. however, you command get got an shakiness over that you would like be delivering the following. unwell for sure come further formerly once more since precisely the similar just about a lot steadily inside of case you defend this increase.
I have recently started a site, the info you offer on this site has helped me tremendously. Thank you for all of your time & work.
he blog was how do i say it… relevant, finally something that helped me. Thanks
Very efficiently written information. It will be beneficial to everyone who employess it, including myself. Keep up the good work – for sure i will check out more posts.
This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your excellent post. Also, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!
It¦s really a cool and helpful piece of information. I¦m glad that you shared this useful info with us. Please stay us up to date like this. Thank you for sharing.
Hi there, I discovered your site by means of Google whilst looking for a similar topic, your web site got here up, it seems to be great. I’ve bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Well I really enjoyed studying it. This subject provided by you is very practical for accurate planning.
Hmm it appears like your website ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for inexperienced blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.
Can I simply say what a reduction to find someone who truly knows what theyre speaking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know methods to bring a problem to gentle and make it important. Extra individuals need to read this and understand this facet of the story. I cant imagine youre no more in style since you positively have the gift.
I love what you guys are usually up too. This type of clever work and exposure! Keep up the terrific works guys I’ve you guys to my personal blogroll.
magnificent post, very informative. I wonder why the other specialists of this sector don’t notice this. You should continue your writing. I’m confident, you have a huge readers’ base already!
There are some fascinating cut-off dates in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There is some validity however I will take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as effectively
Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!
Hi , I do believe this is an excellent blog. I stumbled upon it on Yahoo , i will come back once again. Money and freedom is the best way to change, may you be rich and help other people.
I am curious to find out what blog platform you’re working with? I’m experiencing some small security problems with my latest website and I would like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any suggestions?
Hey! Would you mind if I share your blog with my twitter group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really enjoy your content. Please let me know. Many thanks
I’m extremely impressed with your writing talents as smartly as with the format to your weblog. Is this a paid topic or did you modify it yourself? Anyway stay up the nice quality writing, it is uncommon to peer a great weblog like this one nowadays..
Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…
Only wanna comment on few general things, The website style and design is perfect, the subject matter is real good. “The stars are constantly shining, but often we do not see them until the dark hours.” by Earl Riney.
Hi! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!
I wish to express some appreciation to you just for rescuing me from this issue. As a result of scouting through the the web and coming across techniques which were not pleasant, I assumed my entire life was done. Being alive minus the answers to the difficulties you’ve solved by means of the review is a crucial case, as well as the kind which might have in a wrong way damaged my entire career if I hadn’t noticed your site. The talents and kindness in playing with all the pieces was invaluable. I’m not sure what I would have done if I hadn’t discovered such a solution like this. It’s possible to at this moment relish my future. Thanks so much for the professional and results-oriented guide. I won’t be reluctant to refer the sites to any person who wants and needs care on this topic.
I am not certain the place you are getting your information, however good topic. I must spend a while studying more or working out more. Thanks for wonderful information I was in search of this info for my mission.
Heya! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?
This is the right blog for anyone who wants to find out about this topic. You realize so much its almost hard to argue with you (not that I actually would want…HaHa). You definitely put a new spin on a topic thats been written about for years. Great stuff, just great!
Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a risky conclusion great post! .
The very crux of your writing whilst sounding reasonable initially, did not settle well with me after some time. Somewhere within the paragraphs you actually were able to make me a believer but just for a very short while. I still have a problem with your leaps in assumptions and you might do nicely to fill in all those breaks. If you can accomplish that, I would certainly be amazed.
There is obviously a lot to identify about this. I believe you made some nice points in features also.
Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
Hey there would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you suggest a good hosting provider at a fair price? Cheers, I appreciate it!
Great remarkable issues here. I?¦m very glad to peer your post. Thank you a lot and i’m looking forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Great site! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more. I am bookmarking your feeds also
Your blog has been a great help to me, thank you.
I really appreciate the time public κινηταand effort you put into creating this blog.
Your blog has been such a great way for me to stay informed, thank you.
Hello, you used to write fantastic, but the last several posts have been kinda boringK I miss your tremendous writings. Past few posts are just a little bit out of track! come on!
Your blog is always so informative and interesting, thank you.
Your blog has quickly become one of my favorites. I look forward to reading more.
This is exactly what I was looking for. Thanks for providing such valuable information.
I cherished as much as you’ll obtain performed proper here. The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. nevertheless, you command get bought an impatience over that you wish be handing over the following. in poor health definitely come further formerly once more as exactly the similar nearly a lot regularly inside case you protect this increase.
I learned so much from this post. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
Your blog has quickly become one of my favorites. I look forward to reading more.
Great post! You really hit the nail on the head with this one.
Thank you, I have recently been looking for information approximately this topic for ages and yours is the greatest I have discovered till now. However, what concerning the conclusion? Are you positive in regards to the supply?
Hello! I know this is kinda off topic however , I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My blog covers a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Wonderful blog by the way!
Hello my loved one! I wish to say that this article is amazing, great written and include approximately all important infos. I?¦d like to peer more posts like this .
I just could not depart your web site before suggesting that I really enjoyed the standard info a person provide for your visitors? Is going to be back often in order to check up on new posts
Perfectly composed subject material, Really enjoyed reading through.
I learned so much from this post. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
I learned so much from this post. Thank you for sharing your knowledge with us.
Thanks for the informative content, it’s been really helpful!
Enjoyed reading this, very good stuff, regards. “If it was an overnight success, it was one long, hard, sleepless night.” by Dicky Barrett.
When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thank you!
I am delighted that I found this blog, precisely the right information that I was searching for! .
Great post! You really hit the nail on the head with this one.
Great ?V I should definitely pronounce, impressed with your website. I had no trouble navigating through all the tabs and related information ended up being truly easy to do to access. I recently found what I hoped for before you know it in the least. Quite unusual. Is likely to appreciate it for those who add forums or something, web site theme . a tones way for your customer to communicate. Excellent task..
Your writing style is engaging and easy to follow. I always enjoy reading your articles.
Hey would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re using? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a reasonable price? Cheers, I appreciate it!
Your writing style is engaging and easy to follow. I always enjoy reading your articles.
Your blog is a fantastic resource for [insert topic]. Keep up the good work!