[intro]According to a report by the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) in 2014, there are as many as 23 suicides per day in South Africa, and two thirds of all suicide victims are aged between 20 and 39. The NGO stated that these statistics could be higher due to stigma associated with depression, suicide and self harm. Statistics are hard to come by as there is no organisation or government department formally collecting data on suicide rates. However available data indicates that teen suicide is on the rise with one in four South African teenagers having attempted suicide. Despite these shocking numbers, suicide as an issue remains hidden from society. In this piece, Boikanyo* ends her silence and speaks out about her own suicide attempt.[/intro]
Dear Diary
Today was no different from any other day but yet, the void and emptiness within, grows deeper and my world keeps on getting darker, day by day. I walk down the corridors of school with the hopes that someday someone will notice me, accept me, appreciate me or even take note of my presence. I feel so invisible and unloved.
But I believe I should blame myself. Why?
As soon as I leave my room, I put on the biggest smile and my energy levels increase to 100% , which may give people the impression that everything is “all good” but it isn’t.
Monday-Sunday, I wake up, walk, talk, sleep, sing and even dance with the thought that “I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH”, but I’m sure you’ve already picked it up from previous entries. It is nothing new, and I always sit and wonder, when will things change? When will it be different? Different in my favour. I want to be popular, I want to be seen and taken seriously. I want to be told I am beautiful, I want people, old and young to look up to me the way I look up to them.
But thus far, the tunnel that I am travelling under has no light at the end, or rather, the light keeps on getting dimmer and the tunnel keeps on getting darker than before.
Lately, I’ve been having thoughts of ending it, the pain and hurt. I have been contemplating committing suicide. I feel like the place that I might end up in would be so much better than here. Other people can enjoy living in this world, they enjoy it so much that they do not want to leave anytime soon, but not me. I am tired and want to be re-united with my God, well I hope I will be.
These feelings are not new. At 15 years old I wrote an sms and tried to commit suicide:
“Mama and Daddy, thank you for all that you’ve done for me. You took me to the best schools, bought me the best clothes, you basically gave me a very comfortable life, and for that I say thank you. But it just was not enough. I am not happy. Everything else in my life is not perfect … I am tired of this life, this world … I LOVE YOU both so very much”
The day I wrote that message I woke up that morning as if it was any other day, however, that particular day felt weird. Although I could not pin point why it did. I got out of bed, bathed and got ready for school. I was the last one out of the house and got yelled at in the car for making the rest of the family late for work and school.
At school, it was a regular day. I behaved in a manner that I usually do always talking, singing, laughing, and making unecssary remarks in class, making people smile, making them believe that life is great, but little did they know.
Five o’clock eventually struck. I was picked up from school and we headed home. I went upstairs straight to my bedroom, changed into my pajama’s, and felt heavy, depressed. I got into bed and slept right away. 20h00, my alarm rings. I ate supper, watched all the soapies starting first with Generations and ended with Muvhango. Around 21:30, my family went to bed, the time I knew I would be alone, alone with no disruptions whatsoever.
As I laid there on my bed, thinking about everything that was wrong in my life, I felt a strong pain in my chest and then the tears just started rolling down my cheeks. It started off slowly but the more I pondered, the more I cried. I cried so much that I began to feel so tired, both mentally and emotionally. I was tired of life, tired of feeling the way I did. Then the thought clearly appeared in my mind, just end it.
I thought about the “paradise” that people always spoke about after death. I too wanted to go there, to be happy, to feel joy, and to be loved by all. I wanted to go to that place where there was no more pain, no more hurt and no more violence. I decided that it was the next destination for me. I took out a few prescribed pills, some of which were my dad’s and the others were over-the-counter pills, and placed them on my desk with a blade beside them. I took out my phone, and sent her my “farewell” SMS and immediately switched my phone off.
A few minutes passed, and before I did anything, my parents abruptly walked into my room. They were shocked. They sat down on the edges of my bed and looked me into my eyes that were puffy and full of tears, and asked me what was the matter. I told them that I was not happy, even though I smile and laugh every day, there are so many things that make living seem so unbearable. They tried to comfort me and concluded that later that week, I was to consult a psychologist. Of which I eventually did a few days later.
According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG, a mental health and advocacy group that supports many individuals with various mental disorders), suicide rates among teenagers belonging in the age group of 10–14 has almost doubled in the past 15 years.
One must detect the signs early (if applicable) and if you or someone you know may be suicidal, act quick, and contact someone or an organisation that can assist you or that person.
The South African Depression and Anxiety Group: 011 234 4837 / 0800 20 50 26 or on their Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567 SMS 31393
*Not her real name
Picture this – 3 am in the morning, I had a line of fiends stretched around the corner of my block. It was in the freezing middle of January but they had camped out all night, jumping-ready to buy like there was a sale on Jordans. If you were 16 years old, in my shoes, you’d do anything to survive, right? I got good news though; I MADE IT OUT OF THE HOOD, with nothing but a laptop and an internet connection. I’m not special or lucky in any way. If I, as a convicted felon that used to scream “Free Harlem” around my block until my throat was sore, could find a way to generate a stable, consistent, reliable income online, ANYONE can! If you’re interested in legitimate, stress-free side hustles that can bring in $3,500/week, I set up a site you can use: https://incomecommunity.com
May I request more information on the subject? All of your articles are extremely useful to me. Thank you!
You helped me a lot by posting this article and I love what I’m learning.
Great blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog jump out. Please let me know where you got your theme. Many thanks
hi!,I like your writing very a lot! percentage we keep up a correspondence extra about your post on AOL? I need an expert on this area to solve my problem. May be that’s you! Having a look forward to see you.
Great remarkable things here. I am very happy to look your post. Thanks a lot and i am having a look forward to touch you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
I have been browsing online greater than 3 hours today, but I never discovered any fascinating article like yours. It is pretty price sufficient for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers made just right content material as you did, the internet might be a lot more useful than ever before.
Hello my friend! I wish to say that this post is awesome, nice written and include approximately all important infos. I would like to look extra posts like this .
What i do not realize is in reality how you’re not really a lot more neatly-preferred than you may be right now. You’re so intelligent. You understand thus considerably with regards to this matter, produced me in my opinion imagine it from numerous numerous angles. Its like women and men are not fascinated except it¦s one thing to do with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs excellent. At all times maintain it up!
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.
I discovered your blog site on google and test just a few of your early posts. Proceed to maintain up the excellent operate. I simply extra up your RSS feed to my MSN News Reader. Looking for forward to studying extra from you afterward!…
Hey There. I found your blog the usage of msn. This is an extremely well written article. I’ll be sure to bookmark it and come back to read extra of your helpful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.
Pretty section of content. I just stumbled upon your web site and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing to your augment and even I achievement you access consistently quickly.
Simply desire to say your article is as astounding. The clearness on your submit is just nice and i could assume you are knowledgeable on this subject. Fine together with your permission allow me to snatch your RSS feed to stay up to date with imminent post. Thanks 1,000,000 and please carry on the rewarding work.
I really enjoy examining on this site, it has got fantastic content.
I¦ve learn some excellent stuff here. Definitely worth bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how a lot effort you place to create such a wonderful informative site.
You made some first rate factors there. I looked on the internet for the difficulty and found most people will go together with with your website.
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but definitely you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!
I’m really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility issues? A handful of my blog readers have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any advice to help fix this problem?
Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?
Hello.This article was extremely fascinating, especially since I was browsing for thoughts on this matter last Tuesday.
Hi there, simply was aware of your blog via Google, and found that it is really informative. I’m gonna be careful for brussels. I will appreciate in case you proceed this in future. Lots of people can be benefited from your writing. Cheers!
There are actually a number of particulars like that to take into consideration. That may be a great point to convey up. I provide the thoughts above as basic inspiration however clearly there are questions like the one you carry up where the most important factor can be working in sincere good faith. I don?t know if finest practices have emerged around issues like that, however I’m positive that your job is clearly recognized as a fair game. Both girls and boys really feel the impact of only a second’s pleasure, for the rest of their lives.
Hello. excellent job. I did not imagine this. This is a splendid story. Thanks!
Great amazing things here. I?¦m very satisfied to look your article. Thanks so much and i’m taking a look forward to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay. I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward to new updates.
Some really prize articles on this site, bookmarked.
hi!,I like your writing so so much! proportion we communicate more about your article on AOL? I require a specialist on this area to solve my problem. May be that’s you! Having a look ahead to peer you.
Very interesting points you have remarked, thankyou for putting up.
Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your site. You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an email if interested. Regards!
You made some first rate factors there. I regarded on the web for the difficulty and found most individuals will associate with along with your website.
As I website owner I think the content material here is rattling great, appreciate it for your efforts.
Some truly quality content on this site, bookmarked.
I’ve learn several good stuff here. Definitely value bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how a lot effort you put to make this type of excellent informative site.
You have remarked very interesting points! ps decent site.
I’ve learn some excellent stuff here. Certainly worth bookmarking for revisiting. I wonder how a lot attempt you put to make this sort of excellent informative website.
Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog based on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my readers would enjoy your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.
Some truly wonderful articles on this website, thank you for contribution. “Better shun the bait, than struggle in the snare.” by John Dryden.
Aw, this was a really nice post. In concept I want to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and precise effort to make an excellent article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all appear to get one thing done.
I enjoy the efforts you have put in this, regards for all the great posts.
It¦s truly a great and useful piece of information. I¦m glad that you simply shared this helpful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thank you for sharing.
Respect to author, some great entropy.
After research a few of the weblog posts in your web site now, and I really like your manner of blogging. I bookmarked it to my bookmark website list and shall be checking again soon. Pls take a look at my website online as well and let me know what you think.
Hi, I think your site might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Safari, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!
I will right away grasp your rss feed as I can not find your e-mail subscription link or newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly let me know in order that I may just subscribe. Thanks.
I enjoy studying and I conceive this website got some truly utilitarian stuff on it! .
It¦s in reality a nice and helpful piece of info. I¦m glad that you just shared this useful information with us. Please stay us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.
Magnificent beat ! I would like to apprentice while you amend your web site, how could i subscribe for a weblog web site? The account aided me a applicable deal. I have been tiny bit familiar of this your broadcast provided bright transparent concept
Hi there very cool site!! Man .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .. I’ll bookmark your site and take the feeds alsoKI am glad to search out so many useful info here in the publish, we’d like develop extra strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing. . . . . .
There are some interesting time limits in this article however I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There may be some validity but I’ll take hold opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we want extra! Added to FeedBurner as properly
Hello, i feel that i saw you visited my website so i came to “return the choose”.I’m attempting to to find things to improve my site!I assume its ok to use some of your concepts!!
magnificent post, very informative. I ponder why the other experts of this sector do not notice this. You should proceed your writing. I am confident, you’ve a great readers’ base already!
Excellent goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you are just too wonderful. I actually like what you have acquired here, certainly like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still care for to keep it wise. I cant wait to read much more from you. This is actually a terrific site.
Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will be back later to read some more. I am taking your feeds also
I’ve recently started a site, the information you provide on this web site has helped me greatly. Thank you for all of your time & work.
Wonderful site. Plenty of useful info here. I am sending it to several buddies ans also sharing in delicious. And naturally, thank you to your sweat!
Really clear site, thanks for this post.
You have brought up a very superb points, thankyou for the post.
Spot on with this write-up, I actually suppose this web site wants rather more consideration. I’ll most likely be again to learn way more, thanks for that info.
I am not sure where you are getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more. Thanks for excellent info I was looking for this information for my mission.
Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful information particularly the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this particular info for a very long time. Thank you and good luck.
Wow! Thank you! I constantly needed to write on my website something like that. Can I include a part of your post to my blog?
Appreciate it for this tremendous post, I am glad I discovered this website on yahoo.
I am now not positive the place you’re getting your info, but great topic. I needs to spend a while learning much more or working out more. Thank you for excellent info I was in search of this information for my mission.
Hello there, I found your site via Google while looking for a related topic, your website came up, it looks great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Hello, i think that i saw you visited my site thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!
Nice post. I study something more challenging on totally different blogs everyday. It’ll at all times be stimulating to read content material from different writers and apply a bit of one thing from their store. I’d want to use some with the content material on my weblog whether you don’t mind. Natually I’ll offer you a link in your web blog. Thanks for sharing.
Hi, Neat post. There is a problem together with your web site in web explorer, might test this?K IE still is the marketplace leader and a large component of folks will leave out your excellent writing due to this problem.
Hello there, I discovered your web site by means of Google at the same time as looking for a similar topic, your website got here up, it appears to be like great. I have bookmarked it in my google bookmarks.
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I’ve really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I will be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again very soon!
I really enjoy the blog.Really looking forward to read more. Fantastic.
Really impressed! Everything is very open and very clear clarification of issues. It contains truly facts. Your website is very valuable. Thanks for sharing 툰코
I used to be able to find good advice from your blog
posts.
An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto a co-worker who had been conducting a little homework on this.
And he actually bought me dinner due to the fact that I discovered it for him…
lol. So allow me to reword this…. Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanks
for spending the time to talk about this topic here on your website.
Good day! Would you mind if I share your blog with my myspace group?
There’s a lot of folks that I think would really appreciate your content.
Please let me know. Thanks
Excellent article. Keep posting such kind of information on your page.
Im really impressed by it.
Hi there, You’ve done an incredible job. I’ll definitely digg
it and personally recommend to my friends. I am sure they will be benefited from this web site.
이 글을 읽어 주셔서 감사합니다. 카지노놀이터
I blog frequently and I truly thank you for your content.
This great article has truly peaked my interest. I will take a note of your site and
keep checking for new details about once per week. I subscribed to your Feed too.
We’re a group of volunteers and starting a new scheme in our community. Your web site provided us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.
I’ve been surfing online greater than three hours nowadays, but I never found any attention-grabbing article like yours. It’s pretty price sufficient for me. In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made excellent content material as you probably did, the net will probably be much more helpful than ever before. “I finally realized that being grateful to my body was key to giving more love to myself.” by Oprah Winfrey.
Thanks for a very interesting blog. What else may I get that kind of info written in such a perfect approach? I’ve a undertaking that I am simply now operating on, and I have been at the look out for such info 1인샵
처음으로 여기를 방문하고 블로그에서 흥미로운 내용을 많이 발견했습니다. 특히 토론입니다. 감사합니다. 온라인카지노
“당신의 기사를 읽은 후 저는 놀랐습니다. 당신이 그것을 아주 잘 설명했다는 것을 알고 있습니다. 다른 독자들도 당신의 기사를 읽은 후 제가 어떤 느낌을 받았는지 경험하기를 바랍니다. 먹튀검증
Oh my goodness! an excellent article dude. Thank you However I’m experiencing problem with ur rss. Do not know why Cannot register for it. Could there be any person getting identical rss difficulty? Anybody who knows kindly respond. Thnkx 토토커뮤니티
I am propelled by the information that you have on this blog. It demonstrates how well you grasp this subject 카지노사이트
This was among the best posts and episode from your team it let me learn many new things 카지노뱅크
I am genuinely thankful to the holder of this web page who has shared this wonderful paragraph at at this place 머니맨
Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you offer!. slot777
HOT CURVY STUDENT GIRL IS LOOKING FOR SOME FUN TIMESPENDING!
I am very glad to know that your site is upgrading from the with simplest to more faster and synchronized form. I am quite familiar of a lot of sites since I work as a freelance writer and one of the sites that I find evolve is your site respectively 머니맨
I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and engaging, and
without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The problem is something that too few folks are speaking intelligently about.
I am very happy I came across this in my hunt for something concerning this.
I do agree with all of the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They’re really convincing and will certainly work. Still, the posts are very short for starters. Could you please extend them a little from next time? Thanks for the post.
What is Alpha Tonic? Alpha Tonic stands as a natural health supplement designed to comprehensively address men’s overall well-being.
Hi, Neat post. There is a problem with your website in internet explorer, would test this… IE still is the market leader and a good portion of people will miss your fantastic writing because of this problem.
Your place is valueble for me. Thanks!…
naturally like your web-site but you need to check the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very bothersome to tell the truth nevertheless I will surely come back again.
You are my intake, I have few web logs and sometimes run out from to brand : (.
Soy una chica extrovertida, cam models me encanta conocer gente y reir.